We don't overcome pain; we just get used to it...

Life can get better

2007-11-07T07:47:00.000+08:00

It's hard to undo what you've already done. What's worse it's hard for to you to recover the change that caused it. I've made mistakes--so many since I started making the wrong decisions during my teenage years. Even w/ a slight feeling of inferiority complex, I've always believed in me--well, atleast w/ the decisions I make everytime. I never really cared on what others may say--specially people whom are NOT my family. But what's grand about it was I stood up for all those mistakes. God sure gave me so much strenght to endure all that. But now that I've grown up, it's hard to bring back the respect I lost caused by selfish and childish decisions. I know I sound like a broken record but it's my 38th year on this cruel world and so I want to set things right. I try very hard to manage my anger--not to bring it out to someone else. I try very hard to be very patient--and I feel good! I now pay attention to MYSELF and to people that love me more than I love them. I guess living almost half of my life trying to please other people is not that bad. It's about time I focus on me. I don't plan to be selfish, tough, hahaha! I just don't want to to do things that I know will please other people more than it pleases me. I just want to enjoy life and all the blessings that come my way. I know I don't have much but hey! it's all I need.

I brought in the jinx=(

2007-10-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

Pain and frustration seem quite synonymous to me the past weeks...If I'm not in despute w/ my lovely twin sis over financial matters w/ our mom, I'm on the verge of breaking up w/ my hubby...OR just like now, my bro and his bitch are up against me once more...Grrrr!!! I really wish I could vanish, for even just a few days...Moreover, I miss the quiet life me and my kids had some 3 years ago...I just hope my hubby & I find a house far from here...far, far from everybody!!! I really want to go to a foreign country and just live for my hubby and kids...In as much as I don't want to demand for what I've done, sometimes I can't help but do that...I mean when did I ever put myself 1st over my siblings? Though I always made it a point to prioritize my siblings' welfare, I felt happy doing it...I love taking care of them...It just pains me sometimes that I feel kindda neglected and not getting the respect I deserve...
To my bro, whom I truly love and care for, you know deep in your heart I've ALWAYS been there for you---When you got your wife pregnant, it was I who went w/ you for support when your soon to be inlaws then called you to discuss possible measures on how to deal w/ then your 16 year old wife to be...I was there when all our other siblings weren't...You ran to me everytime you and your wife had petty issues...And I always welcomed you in my home...You came to me when you had your trial separation and I took you in for about a month w/ nothing in return...I tried to understand your way of thinking and I tried being objective when it came to you and our younger bro's feuds...Again, I was the one who took you in when finally you and your wife of 16 years decided to call it quits...Again, as much as my finances would allow me, w/ nothing in return...I even called 1 of my female acquaintances who was 1 of the very few unattached friends I had that time to keep you company...And I never imagined that would be the cause of our doom as siblings...
To tell you honestly, none of our siblings really liked you when we were kids..Much more now that we've grown up---it's most probably bcoz of your somewhat self centered character...But not me--I love you--for what and who you are! I simply feel the magic of brotherhood in us...And even if I know you'll find this very hard to believe, I would never do anything to hurt you deliberately...or to hinder your happiness...I really feel bad that our status is becoming worst...It's not that I want things to go back to normal, I know they won't, well not when you and your bitch are still together...I feel bad we came to this point...Never in my entire life had I made enemies w/ anyone...This is my 1st time--and you had to be it..how sad...
Bro, I must admit I,too have my own faults in this matter...And I am truly sorry...I've apologized but I guess I have no space in your heart right now...
I keep on praying NOT for us to patch things up and be as we were, but for God to shed truth on all the lies that has been built up and believed in...I love you bro...
And to the bitch who served as a jinx since the beginning, I can only pray for you--prayer is the only way for you to realize what you've done...It only shows you grew up w/o a family bzoz you destroyed ours...May God forgive you for what you've done...

4 year curse

2007-09-24T08:50:00.000+08:00

I'm not quite sure if it was all just a coincidence but yep, most significant parts of my personal life lasted for 4 years...1st up my 1st love and the father of my adorable children--we went steady for 4 years before I got pregnant w/ my 1st child...we were on and off for 4 years before we finally called it quits...the I had a boyfriend and we lasted 4 years...now I have my present boyfriend and our relationship sure is one hell of a ride...we would fight like crazy---cursing and saying the most painful of words but always end up making passionate love...we've been living together for 4 years and I've never seen him like this...I feel he's not the man I fell inlove with and I can't help but think sometimes is he just pissing me off so that our break up would come from me??? Is the 4 year curse taking it's place again in my life???? I still love love this man deeply and I feel we've gone so far for us to split...But even though I'm a bad person at times, I can confidently say that selfishness is not one of those bad qualities I have...I simply cannot have someone w/ me and I know he's not happy...I simply am not built that way...For me life is short and so we have to make our lives happy and fullfilling as much as we can...Why should we torture ourselves, right? I mean if we feel that our union is getting nowhere, I guess I would be more than happy to let him go---for he has a wonderful wife and daughter to go back to...I just hope & pray that God gives us both the strenght to accept the reality if ever we weren't meant for each other..on the other hand, if we are meant, may God give us both the patience to make our relationship work...

our dreaded PARTERS

2007-09-12T02:53:00.000+08:00

youre not the only one who feels this way....i have this feeling almost all the time with A...and the same with you, the dreaded question is : why are you like this to me?...what have i done to you?...theyre the ones who had/has many flaunting flaws & faults so its obvious that we dont deserve to be disrespected & ignored...these men are lucky that we are still here, surviving their treatments to us...of course, juz like them, we're not PERFECT but we certainly dont deserve to feel LOW & SHITTY...AS & FC probably are the best thing that happened to us..but dear sis, the way i see it, we're still with them because we can still handle it...but if we feel that we cant longer be with them, then thats the time we REALLY have to decide: should & could i still be with this man?....do i still love him?...

i am still where i am because i luv A....i still cant imagine how to live without him...to be physically away from him is the farthest thing i can handle but to think that he wont be part of our lives as my husband is the thing i cant bear to imagine (at least not yet)...we will pray for GUIDANCE from GOD...thats the only thing we can do....i know talking to F will probably be a waste of time and will juz lead to nowhere but more doubts, disagreements & arguments..so there's nothing to do but PRAY and still hope for the best....i know you still love him...otherwise you wont be this affected...there's a movie that says : if there's still LOVE then thats something to hang on to....

maybe our partners juz need an ultimatum because i also believe that the reason why theyre this way to us is because we ALLOWED it !!!....we extended our patience with them because we love them that much....we showered them with lotsa love, trust and chances hoping that they would do the same to us...but instead, they took advantage of it....they doubt us that much because theyre the ones who's being UNTRUE....they think that since theyre doing it, they dont want that to happen to them...so thats theirr DEFFENSE MECHANISM....

im still not loosing hope for you & F....

Ang gulo!

2007-09-06T08:13:00.000+08:00

Lamko paulit ulit na ito...kung ako nga sawang sawa na sa pagsasalita ng ganito, anu pa kaya yung mga palaging nakakarinig...
Matagal na ren tyong magkakilala...matagal din naman tayo naging magkaibigan bago naging tayo...ibang iba ka talaga nung tropa palang tayo...sa totoo lang, nung nalaman ko na hiwalay na kayo ng misis mo (ito yung nagsinungaling ka na di na kayo magkasama sa iisang bahay!), malaki talaga ang pinagtaka ko..kasi nakita ko nun na sobrang bait ka...at pinagpala pa ng isang matipuno at maganda pangangatawan...at di lang yun, isa ka pang lisenshadong civil engineer! naisip ko "san ka fah???"...bukod sa mabait, may ichura ay mataas pa pinag aralan mo! naisip ko din na kung ako ang naging asawa mo cguro, kahit na mambabae ka pa cguro ay never akong papayag na maghiwalay tayo..na gagawin ko ang lahat para maging buo ang pamilya naten para sa ating anak...na sisikmurain ko nalang ang pambababae mo tutal nasayu na naman ang madaming katangian na maganda...
Di nagtagal ay may namuong magandang pagtitinginan saten...marahil ay dahil parati tyong magkasama nun...at kung aking maalala ay kagagaling ko lang sa isang relashon...yoko pa nga sana pumatol sayo kasi sariwa pa ang sakit sa katatapos ko lang na relashon..pero pursigido ka talaga at diko namalayan na na inlove naku sayu ng tuluyan...ang sasaya nung mga araw na yun! at eto na, isang araw bigla mong inamin saken na nagsasama pa kayong mag asawa pero wla na kayong pakialamanan...ganun??? ano ako? high school? at maniniwala akong wlang nangyayari sa inyong mag asawa habang magkasama kayo sa isang bahay at natutulog sa iisang kama katabi ang inyong unika iha...nagulat ako at shempre nasakatan! at kahit na sobra na kitang mahal nun at pinilit kong iwasan ka...pero lalo kang nagpursige...wla akong nagawa kungdi ang tanggapin kang muli...at pinag promise kita na "wag na wag mo akong sasaktan"...shempre nag pramis ka...
Dumaan ang panahon..masaya ang naging samahan naten--wlang away...nagsimula lang tayo magka problema nung pinalayas ka sa inyo at nagsama na tayo sa iisang bahay...pera ang lagi naten pinagtatalunan kasi gs2 mong tipirin ang pera mo para makasama mo ang anak mo tuwing weekend...kahit sa bahay ay di kita inobliga nung una kasi akala ko kaya kong buhayin ka pero kinapos nako..dun na nagsimula ang wlang katapusang away sa pera...gs2 mo kasi wag na magbigay saken kasi namamashal kayo ng anak mo kada weekend...ok lang naman yun..anak mo naman yun..problema di kaya ng sweldo ko at si Cay ayaw ng magpadala simula nung nalaman nya na nagsasama na tyu..dapat daw magtulungan tayo...
Alam ko masasakit mga sinabi ko sayo noon...At hanggang ngayon ay pinagdudusahan ko pa yun kasi hanggang ngayon ay sinasampal mo yun sa mukha ko! kung maibabalik ko lang ang panahon, di na sana kita tinanggap sa bahay ko...di nalang sana tayu nagsama sa iisang bahay para naiwasan naten lahat ng naging away naten nun...oh well, andito na eh..panindigan nalang...
Sa totoo lang, dami mong ugaling diko nakita nung di pa tyu nagsasama...laging gulat ko talaga! hnde ko alam kung saken ka lang ganito or pati sa misis mo at ibang ex...ngayon ko na-realize kung bakit kayu naghiwalay..ako kasi sa sandaling panahon ng pagsasama naten ay sumuko nako sa ugali mo...nabilib pa nga ako sa misis mo at nakatagal sha sayo..yun ay marahil dahil kasal kayo, legal na mag asawa ta may anak...pinagdasal ko sa Dyos na makatakas sana ako sa kasalanan nagawa ko...na wag sana akong maparusahan sa pakikiapid...kung ako lang naman ang nasunod ay ayoko na sana talaga...dito pumapasok ang kasabihan "God moves in mysterious ways"..diko kasi alam kung bakit Nya hinahayaan ang makasalanan na pagsasama naten, bakit di Nya dinggin ang dasal ko na makaahon na sa kasalanan...
Sa ngayon ay namumuhay tyo ng malayo sa isa't isa...ito na marahil ang sagot ng Dyos sa matagal ko ng dasal...lamu, sobra kitang mahal eh! sobra kitang miss at gustong gusto na kitang kasama..ang problema lang ay nakakaramdam ako ng malaking takot kasi sa tuwing magkasama tyo, kahit magkausap lang sa Web Messenger ay hindi ko lam ikikilos ko...palagi nalang kitang tinatancha...lahat ng gawin ko ay may meaning sayo...pag sad ako sa dami ng stress ko dito ay inis ka at sinasabing wag ako sad at stressed kasi masama yun saken..pag happy naman ako ay nagbibiro ka na masaya at blooming ako at baka may iba akong lalaki dito...gusto kitang mas mahalin at pagpasenshahan pa kasi sa laki ng ginhawang nagagawa mo samen ng pamilya ako pero ang dating nun sayo ay kaya ako ganun ay dahil sa may pera ka na..pag naging cold naman ako ay iniisip mo na kahit na anung gawin mo ay basura paren ang tingin ko sayu...diko na talaga lam ang gagawin ko..gabi gabi nalang ako umiiyak...hnde ko talaga lam kung anung gs2 mo..kung bakit ang hirap naten magkasundo...kaya minsan naiisip ko, kahit na ayoko, mas maigi nga na magkalayo nalang tyo..kasi bukod sa kumikita ka ng malaking pera para sa mga luho mo at para sa anak, magulang at mga kapatid mo, ay iwas tayo sa mga away kahit na papanu...
I'm praying everyday to God to take me out of this sin...But while I'm still in it, I pray that God gives me the patient to ALWAYS be patient w/ you and to try to understand your character...

Love for Music

2007-08-24T09:04:00.000+08:00

It runs in our family...as far as I know both our parents are music lovers...we grew up hearing music all the time, either from our dad's car stereo or mom's radio...And now all our kids got it...

Many thanks to my twin sis a.k.a. bestest friend for giving me this...This simple tiny gadget can simply do wonders! It can turn my worn out day into bright, new & fresh! When I'm down, I just listen and I feel o.k.! Good thing I was able to input most of my favorite songs...It's capacity suits me...I mean I don't mind having an IPOD nano, video, etc. (;>) but the one that I now have gets the job done..

Thank you God for the gift of music!

Oooops! I did it again=(

2007-08-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

I am sorry! How tactless could I get??? How insensitive of me!!! I really hate myself!!! GRRR!!! I feel great when I know I hepled someone in my own little way...but now, I feel terrible!!! AS IN!!! It's nobody's fault but mine...It was clearly instructed to me never to let him know, that it has to be for mom's expenses..and what did i do??? I spilled the beans!!! I know (& feel) even though you're trying to hide it from me for me not to worry too much...I know I caused something negative...I'm so sorry!!! I wish I can undo what I just did!!! I am sorry!!! Thank you for sending me a copy of the email...This has been a realization for me all the more...I know now how stressed you must be every month bcoz of mom's expenses...I promise to help in anyway I can...I am now spending doubletime in looking for work...I really feel bad about what I did..And now I pray to God that He shows us all the right path....

Bad luck!

2007-08-13T17:19:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time that I was out of the house the whole day. Since I quit my last job 2 years ago to take care of my mom. But as they say, nothing really lasts forever. My dream of becoming a stay-at-home mom must soon expire.
I started early morning looking for work. I happened to visit 1 long time friend whose office is the same as Fiona's. I thought of dropping by since the building where I turned in my resume was just nearby. I had 2nd thoughts, though, but I told myself, what the heck, this is a big building w/ lots of employees. I know (& I hoped!) I won't bump into her. But just like the title of this blog entry - bad luck. I saw her as I was on my way to the elevator. We saw each other eye to eye. And it was clear that it was she who turned away. Not that I hoped we would acknowledged each other's presence. But hey! I am still the big sister of her fiancé. She should've showed me a little respect, maybe by just nodding perhaps? But I guess respect wasn't a trait thought by the family who raised her up or from the supposedly reputable schools where she came from. I felt nothing really when I saw her. But yep! she sure gained a lot of weight. Not the exact face of someone who's supposedly and allegedly "in love and doing great". I felt proud that I was able to dress well that morning and modesty aside I knew I looked good =) Thanks to dieting and walking exercises. I know she must be wondering. What was doing there? Applying for a job? She must be worried sick that when I get hired, all her secrets & lies would be publicly known. But I'm not stupid. My cardiologist just advised me to stay away from people who gives me stress. I felt stressed just be seeing her that 1 time, what more if I see her everyday! No way! Applying for work where Fiona works is definitely out of my plan. Wana know why? 1 reason: I wana live longer =)
Thanks to my bestest friend for the previous blog entry. I deeply love you!

for my twinny crizzie baby (woooosss!!!!)

2007-08-12T16:03:00.000+08:00

ONE FRIEND

Always thought you were the best,
I guess I always will
Always felt that we were blessed,
And I feel that way still
Sometimes we took the hard road
But we always saw it through
If I'd had only one friend left I'd want it to be you
Sometimes the world was on our side,
Sometimes it wasn't fair
Sometimes it gave a helping hand
Sometimes we didn't care
'Cause when we are together
It made the dream come true
If I'd had only one friend left I'd want it to be you
Someone who understands me
And knows me inside out
And helps keep me together
And believes without a doubt
But I could move a mountain Someone to tell it to
If I'd had only one friend left I'd want it to be you
Cause when we are together
It made the dream come true
If I'd had only one friend left,I'd want it to be you

LUV YA!!!....YOURE THE BESTEST!!!!

2007-08-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

Look, it's happened once again

It happens ev'ry now and then

Feeling the hurt and hatin' all the men

Ready to stop it all

That's when I need a friendly face

To see me through these lonely days

Just to put some sunshine in my place

Don't take too long,

I need you

Here I am

I haven't gone that far away

And since I am the kind of friend you know would stay with you through all the pain

Never to leave you in the rain

Ready to listen to what you've been through your woes and blues and share each other's

Points of view

We've been there once before and kept our points of view

It doesn't really matter if they're never quite the same

We have our rules in diff'rent ways

We play the games of diff'rent folks with diff'rent strokes

And keep our points of view

See, the world seems bright again

It only darkens now and then

Most of the time there's just no telling when

Look up and see you've got me

Here we are

We may have gone our diff'rent ways but since we are the kind of friends who'll always stay no matter what the pain

Learnin' to love that cap o' rain

Ready to say we're here to stay in ev'ry way although we've got our diff'rent points of view

We've been there once before and kept our points of view

It doesn't really matter if they're never quite the same

We have our rules in diff'rent ways

We play the games of diff'rent folks with diff'rent strokes and never really change our points of view

We've been there once before and kept our points of view

It doesn't really matter if they're never quite the same

We have our rules in diff'rent ways

We play the games of diff'rent folks with diff'rent strokes and keep our points of view

My deepest apologies

2007-08-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

I haven't been quite myself lately...I have been short tempered and I spared no one...I guess just by knowing that quite a number of people are under my liability really is pressuring...I'm really stressed and now I'm also hurt because now I realized that I am quite a bitch...I can accept when my man can't seem to understand the kind of stress I'm going thru..And instead of him trying to just calm me down and just assure me that everything's going tobe okay, what does he do??? He digs up old issues and begins to question my honesty...Gosh! These are old-long over due-talked about issues...I can't help but suspect that he just wants to divert our focus on money problems to those so called settled issues...I still managed to keep my composure, though..I knew I wouldn't win anyway for he has a mind of a 3 year old...
But now that the person whom I share everything w/, who knows me inside out, whom I thought would understand and keep up w/ my crazy/bitchy atittude has somehow lost her patience...Well, now it's clear to me why my man gets so pissed...I guess I can have the worst side of me given all these pressures...specially 1 pressure NOT supposed to be handled by only me since there are 5 of us...But I still try...I guess I'm just human..I get tired and I have my moods...But there's 1 thing I've learned..I may not be understood all the time...

Bring to Mind

2007-08-07T09:22:00.000+08:00

I sometimes think of "has beens"...Will my life now be different if things in the past happend in reverse?? Ofcourse not! What I mean is will it be happier if things were different??? I guess we never can tell...Thanks for the happy times...I really learned a lot from you...You are definitely 1 of the very few significant people in my life...I'm often wondering where can you be right now?? It's not that I still care, though...I guess the times we had was really fun and yes, i have to admit, life was easier back then...You made sure everything were taken cared of...That i had all, and even more, the things I need...Thanks for everything...I'm wishing for you & your family happiness & peace, wherever you guys maybe...I, on the other hand, am also praying for my own happiness & peace...

Sometimes I wonder

2007-08-06T08:47:00.000+08:00

It makes me wana think...Is it true love that we have???...I mean, I can only speak for myself...I know for a fact that I've never felt like this way before for anybody...Ofcourse I won't deny that I've fallen inlove a couple of times in the past...But my point is I've never felt this happy and contented...I'm not sure though that my happiness and contentment is a product of me being middle aged already & mature; Is it because now I feel much closer to God w/c makes me confident that everything will be ok; Is it simply because we're together?...It could be 1 or 2 or all of the above...The fact still remains...I love you and I want to give you the best in everything and that I want to make you feel secure & happy all the time...But what is this I feel? I'm really not the jealous type bcoz me and my sisters grew up that way...Boys was really never our thing...When we're in relationships, we do give our all, but during the relationship, jealousy was never a reason for our fights w/ our men...And that when the relationships had to end, we would move on in a jiffy...There was never a point in time when we cried over some boy...maybe just 1 or 2 =)
You are a married man...Yea yea, you, two are separated and all that..But I guess I could never get over the reason why your so called wife doesn't want to make everything legal...I'm not talking about filing for an anullment...But I guess the 2 of us (me& her) being civil, since she is the mother of your child and will always have a spot in your heart for being your wife...
I don't mean to question your love and intention for me and my kids. but sometimes I can't help it...Why does it seems so hard for you to make me feel secured??? Why does it make it so hard for you to make my life a little easier??? Why is money always an issue w/ us??? Why can't we discuss money matters w/o us ending up quarelling??? Why is it that you make me feel that becoz you send my kids to school, we should shut the fuck up on other things???? If you treat us as your family, like you claim, why is it that you sometimes make me feel as if we are only 1 of the charitable institutions that you contribute a portion of your salary to??? It's such an excruciating feeling just thinking about it...You are aware that many many times in the past that I tried breaking off w/ you but it couldn't be done for you simply didn't allow it...I thought of an alternative..Why don't we NOT live together so that you don't need to provide financial support for me and my kids..In that way, it'll be the end of money matters issues...I have always been independent since I had my 1st child at 20...I never asked anybody for help w/ regards for financial support, not EVEN the kind & generoous father of my children (may God rest his soul)...I was just lucky that he still provided financial support to our kids w/o us needing to talk about it...He was a responsible father and an EXCELLENT provider...
You & I got together when I was 33 4 years ago, w/c means I survived 33 years of my life w/o you...I could go on another 33 years w/o you if I have to...But I guess selfishness runs in your blood somehow..You don't want to break up w/ me; You don't want me to w/draw your financial support for me and my kids BUT you treat us as if we all have to treat you like a king and we your slaves...I mean duh? What is that??? Well, like what my twin sis and best friend say, I will just have to stick it out w/ you since I don't have much choice and just wait for my kids to grow up, then find work, then pay for every single cent you gave us...And when we're done w/ the payment, let's just go on w/ our lives...I could still live w/ you..or maybe not..Whatever...I can live either way..

Left alone :-(

2007-07-28T12:34:00.000+08:00

Is there anything more painful than feeling NOT WANTED anymore?

I used to be the black sheep of the family...Besides getting myself pregnant at a very tender age by a married man old enough to be my father, I got pregnant again...I mean, what was I thinking?? I wasn't sure what future to give for my older child and there I was again...It was so unfortunate for me to learn things the hardest way possible...That was when the so called saying "everything happens for a reason" began to be more realistic for me...I had to be positive...atleast for my 2 lovechildren...That was when I learned to accept "God's calling"...I really don't want to sound religious because I'm not...I just want to imply how God really changed NOT my life but how I should handle my life...

Ofcourse the stigma of being a single mom twice wasn't easy...I felt no respect from everybody...It was painful but I had to accept that this probably is the price I had to pay for being impulsive and NOT thinking of the consequencs of my actions...I decided I had to set things right...for my innocent children..And that was what I did...I tried doing the right things, set my priorities and making my family proud..And ya know what? It worked..I felt respected...I just did not realize that when there will be times that I can't meet their expectation, their respect for me will swiftly fade...I'm really hurt right now...I'm just thankful that my hubby, kids and twin sis still love me just thesame...

my twinie bestest friend!!!

2007-07-27T14:11:00.000+08:00

things cant always stay good....there will ALWAYS be bad times....some days are great, some are bad....but its always great to know that i have someone to hear me out and listen to my never ending boring topics....so, to my "partner in CRIME", may we be able to overcome everything together....its ok if we fight because thats part of life....i just hope we'll always have the courage to fix up whatever differences we may or might have....we cant always say the things we ONLY want to hear....we also have to tell each other if what we're doing is not acceptable anymore...we cant always have the same beliefs, opinions, ideas and brain wave lenghts, but we sure have the same physical features....

inspite & despite of everything, i still TRULY think we are indeed so BLESSED by GOD....we may not have everything but at least we're HAPPY....i guess having a peace of mind is far more important than having all the material things in the world PLUS of course, having wonderful kids and a loving "better half"....what more can we ask for?....

i love you....you are a BLESSING to have.....not all siblings or twins are like us.....im just so lucky we are this close.....

Shit happens!

2007-07-24T11:39:00.003+08:00

It's been quite a while that I haven't heard anything from you...It's quite unusual since you're known to be noisy and loud even to people who has met you for the 1st time...I've never known anyone who can say that they truly like you...I heard all the same negative comments about you from our common friends...I must say that I saw that somewhat obscure and weird kind of character in you even the 1st few weeks we worked together...I didn't understand it at first since you looked pleasant somehow and I knew you came from a reputable school...well, i therefore conclude that even people who has a higher education than the others doesn't necessarily mean they're more well mannered than those who came from public schools...you are DEFINITELY a classic example of a lady who is thought to be decent but instead decided to be the bitch everyone hates...I'll bet my life you don't have 1 single TRUE friend...you CAN'T be one so how in the world can you have one?? getch???

So many events has happened in my life both as a child and now as an adult...I have experienced being literally and figuratively alone...I only had God w/ me..call me self righteous but that was what really happened...and mind you, since the day that I acknowledged God to be my Lord and saviour, my life has never been the same!!! All these events made me who I am today...Strong and firm...I never regret anything that has happened..but wooooohhh!! it's proven now..there's an exception to every rule...because you're the only thing in my life that I regret having!!! If there's one thing in my life I would want deleted, it's definitely you!!!